What is your Identity? How do you show up. Episode 2

Welcome to a sanctuary where judgment and gossip are left at the door, and authentic conversations thrive. Come and share your voice at our table.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, good morning, good morning, and welcome to Kingdom Table podcast. We are so happy to be back. My name is Roxy, and let's introduce ourselves to my beautiful Queens here at the table.

SPEAKER_03 0:13

Yes, we're back again. Tiara Smith, and it's such a pleasure. Hi guys, it's May. Happy to be back.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

And we have a really, really good conversation. And you know what? We're gonna start it off with Maidine. Maidine, why don't you start it off? What are what is our what do you want to talk about today?

SPEAKER_02 0:30

So today I thought it would be good for us to talk about identity. Because I feel like that's something that a lot of us struggle with. And so who we are versus who we are becoming and just that process and that tension from you know going through that. So I love it.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

And age. I think age has a lot to do with your identity. Yeah. Because who I was back then to who I was to who I am now is totally different. The nuggets that I would have given myself on what to do and what not to do would have been just very helpful. Very, very helpful. And uh and I love that. My identity, I'm wrapped in my identity. My name tells me who I am, my family tells me who I am, my my my children, my grandchildren, my husband, but most importantly, me.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Yes, me.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

That's my identity. And a lot of people get that mixed up with my business. A lot of get people get that mixed up with my nonprofit. But I am me. I am me. And without that, without husband, without children, without business, nonprofit, I am still me. And that's what I want people to know.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Yeah, I think that's really good. I also think I say for myself, there's been so many times that you get caught up in the groups and the business and whatever you're doing professionally, right? And sometimes you lose exactly who you are. There's times I've had to stop and say, okay, before I was Mrs. This, before I was CEO this, before I was boss this, I'm Tierra. Yeah. You know, and I gotta tap in and see what that looks like, right? And I think right now, well I know right now, looking at who I am is totally different than who I was this time last year. Oh, yes. You know, and I think what weighs heavily as well is even being a PK, a pastor's child, I didn't look at who I was in Christ into my recent traumatic life event. And that weighs heavily in who I am and who I'm becoming.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yes, we've talked about that. We have. We've talked about that through my traumatic event. I wasn't in church. I wasn't in Christ. And uh me and Tierra always talk about that privately, how we handle things differently, how my identity was different and how I showed up. I showed up angry, I showed up depressed, I showed up crying and just you know, let's we're we're being authentic. Get out of my face. I don't want to deal with you or talk to you. But then I look at Tierra and I see how she's maneuvered through this, and it's totally different. So, like we said, it's the kingdom table. So it was Christ-centered. And now that I have a relationship with God, and now that my walk is different, my identity is different. How I grieve is different, how I talk is different. Sometimes y'all catch me on a bad day. Those who know me, we're being real, but but how but how how I grieve, how I love, my identity is now different because I have something I did not have before with my identity. I got peace.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Not that I'm walking that different walk and I have that Christ center with me, I have that peace, and I can deal with me better. Because you can't deal with anyone else if you can't deal with yourself. Yeah, yeah. You can't love anyone else unless you love yourself.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

Yeah. And I think that's why it's important to see ourselves the way he sees us. And I think of all the hats that I wear, of all the roles, of all the things that we tell ourselves, our our identity or even the world tells us our identity, really and truly, you have to go back to the basics, right? And for me, I've telling people I've started telling people, I am a child of God first, right? Before I can be a mom, before I can be a wife, before I can be a friend, because that is my foundation. And as you said, going through traumatic experiences, it really causes you to really reflect and to really realize that, oh my God, like I need him. And that is that is who is really carrying me. And so when I started identifying myself in the way that I should, which is a child of God, I think everything else started falling into place for me, and I really started to learn who I was because so many times the world would paint pictures of you, right? You go through an experience and then you're known for this, or you you do something wrong and they know you as this, right? And so many times many of us wear labels that we were never called to wear. Many of us wear labels that God never put on us, the world put it on us, stress put it on us, trauma put it on us, experiences put it on us. So I think when you when we talk about identity, starting at the foundation is really what's important. And then you build upon that. And for me, that someone that has a lot of roles and wears a lot of hats, it was it was also like very, it was an open, an eye-opening experience for me. Because throughout my life I thought, oh, I'm this boss mom, boss babe, you know, da-da-da-da. And God was like, You're no, you're my child first. You know, come to me first, let me show you who you are, and it and it caused you to show up differently in the world. You know, it does.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

And I think so many times we go through situations where um we realize or we tap into who God has called us to be, and we lose a lot. I don't know about you ladies, but I went through a shedding that was so uncomfortable. I love that word. I love that word. So uncomfortable. But understanding in my identity, right? This is someone that knows the number of hairs on my head. You know what I'm saying? This is my this is the person that gave me a unique fingerprint. In the moments where I'm like, God, I've lost it all. It's all gone. Where do I go? I'm used to having a plan, I'm used to having next step, right? It helps me to know because I'm a child of God, my father has a responsibility. Yes, right? Yes, and so he's gonna take care of me. And when I realize who I am, identity, whose I am, identity, I don't have to worry about anything. Amen. Because I know my father has me, right? And I know he's gonna step through, he's gonna provide, he's gonna be there, he's gonna be my comforter, right? Yes, absolutely. He's gonna be that one when I feel my guy, yes. The one when I just feel like I need a hug and I don't know where it's coming from, and nobody understands. I lean not on my own understanding. That he's here for me. Yes, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:49

I love it. And he allows you to show up better. He does the other roles that he's given to us. You're a better wife, you're a better mom, you're a better friend when you understand who you are in him first.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

Yes, and stay there, made. That's that's the trick, right? Because we get there and we realize who is right there with us. Exactly. And sometimes we try to take the reins back ourselves. But I've always learned that for me in life it's like an umbrella, right? There's gonna be storms, there's gonna be rain, the weather's gonna change. I have a choice to make. Am I gonna step out of the umbrella and try to figure this thing out, but then get mad when there's a tornado or there's something that comes down and I'm super drenched, or I'm gonna stay right under there when my father is covering me and keeping me and letting me know who I am and that he has my future in his hands.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

That's so good. But what do we talk about last week? We talked about, I went through something and I talked about moving your foot out the door. Yes. We have a habit of wanting to fix things. The foot is in the door, we wanna send the email, we want to go ahead and send the text, we want to go ahead and make it better, we want to go ahead and fix it, we want to go ahead and dress it up, we want to go ahead and put the perfume and make it smell good, but our foot is in the door. When are we gonna move our foot out the door? Because some doors have to be closed. When God decides he wants to close a door, we are so forceful to try and push it open. We need to let it close because when that door closes, there are many more that he's gonna open. Some doors cannot open, your blessings cannot come, your horizons cannot open, the sun cannot set or go down when your foot is in the door. You have to go ahead and say, God, okay, you might not like it. It's just that best friend you've known for 25 years. Right. It's that marriage that you've been in for 30 years, 18 years, 20 years. You know what I'm saying? It's that sister that you've had from another mother and father that you've just been with. Sometimes the doors close on your family.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

You see what I'm saying? It's that child that just won't listen, and you have to say, okay, I need to let you figure it out. It's that business that you wanted to do, but you're not figuring. Why is it not coming? Why isn't no one calling? Why aren't the contracts coming? Because we are not letting him lead. We want to push ourselves to that. We want to push what we think is our identity and what we want to do. And it doesn't work. It doesn't work when you have your foundation, like Nadine said, and put God first. That is crucial. Yes. And that's something personally, we're being authentic. I'm going back to that word. That's something I had to learn last week. I had to go ahead and I had to let that door close. And ladies and gentlemen, when I tell you when that door closed, it didn't take a day, it didn't take an didn't take two months, three months, it took a matter of minutes. My phone started ringing, emails started coming, and I just looked up and I said, Abba Father, thank you. Because I wanted to be true. We ask, we pray, God, I'm gonna listen, that God, I'm gonna do this, but when it's the time to listen, we put ourselves first. Right. We don't put him first.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

And and we have to, I love how you said it. We gotta start at the foundation.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

That is so crucial. Absolutely. And when we start at the foundation and we are true to ourselves. Now you can have identity, but you gotta be true. You gotta you gotta be true. You gotta be true. Oh, right. You gotta be true. I got you. You got to be true because when you are true to yourself, when you are authentic, that's May's one of May's favorite words. When you are true, when you are authentic, your blessings will flow.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Absolutely. And I think when we talk about who we are versus who we are becoming, you hit the nail on the head and you segued into what I wanted to bring up next, which is we want to be in control, right? And that's why we have our foot in the door. Yeah. So who I was, I was that person. I I thought that I controlled everything. I thought that I was the one that was making everything work. And you know, I'm I'm very smart and very resourceful. It's just like things. I know, right? Things are happening and God is allowing things to line up. So I'm like, oh, this is great, right? Not realizing that I truly was on a path that was leading to destruction, right? I was on a path that was leading nowhere. And so it wasn't until I began to relinquish control for him and he began to move the people that shouldn't be there, move the opportunities that shouldn't be there, and replace those with the destiny aligned things, the things that he actually wants for my life. That's when I really began to wake up and say, oh, okay, this is how it's supposed to be all along. But that is one thing that we struggle with, especially as women, especially as boss babes, and the all the things. We think that we are in control of our own lives, and we are not. We are not, ladies. And and we have to remember that. And like you so rightly said, Tara, he is our father. He is responsible to take care of us, right? My one of my favorite things is if it's his will, it's his bill. And so whatever he has for us to do, he has already made the provision. He has already made the way for us to be able to do those things. And you know what, too? The way that I identify myself now, it it gives me such peace, right? Because I don't have to worry about what's not for me anymore. I don't have to worry how the next thing is gonna come because I know that he's already working it out. He has already put it into motion, he is already working on my behalf. And you just you just have this like inner peace and this inner knowing, and and to me, I show up so much better. Yes, it's not chaos and confusion and trying to make things fit that no longer fit, trying to keep our foot in the door. Yeah. I literally just go, even though it's hard, I'm not saying that it's easy, but I literally just go with the flow and go as he leads. And it's walking on faith.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Yeah. That's what it is. It is if you say you are a child of God and you say your foot is out the door, and if you say you're moving your foot out the door, if you say you're you're loving him and you're gonna let him lead, you have to go by faith. Yes. Because he says faith is everything. We can't do when we wake up in the morning, who said we were gonna wake up? When we go to bed, who said we were going to wake up? We have all these plans we're gonna do. Who said it was gonna happen? Right. But it's through faith and love of God that it happens. So when you put all of that and you mix it up together and you dash that faith in there, that's what makes us happen. We're sitting here because of faith. Yeah. We're sitting here and getting this done because of faith, resilience. We didn't put too much work. People think, oh my goodness, what we had, ladies and gentlemen, we don't put nothing into this. It has just when God has ordained something, and that's something we have to understand. When God ordains something, it flows. It does. There's hard work that comes to keep it going, to making it look good, but it flows. There should not be any contention, there shouldn't be any resentment, there shouldn't be any resistance because he is in the midst. It's like the bowl is in the middle, it just flows. Yeah, and that's something I have had to learn through my life, as old as I am. I've had to learn that through faith. I have to just give up. Because I'm like you, like both of you. I want to get it done. Yeah, no matter what it takes, it gotta be done, and it better be done my way, and it better be done right. Like when you tell your kids, I need you to pick that up, and then you do that soft parenting and you do it once and you do it twice. By the third time, I'm done. Get it done. Yeah, and that's what that's what we that's what we do with God. I don't know about you, but that's what I did with God. I pray, I ask, and if I don't see it done, then guess what? I want to do it. Yeah, now I'm learning when I ask, I sit back and I wait, and then when I get those calls, I just laugh. Father God, yes. Because he did it, and it's that faith. And that's what moves us. That's what he brings, he brings that to that table. That's what he's brought to this table. It's faith, it's it's obedience. Yes, and and that's what makes us that's part of my identity now. As I'm learning, I'm I know who my God is. And I found out over this weekend that my God is a jealous God. So now when I heard that, I didn't even know Exodus 34, verses 4, that his name is jealous. I learned that. I learned that this weekend. And I was like, okay, and I and when I just heard that, I said, I'm a wife, I get jealous with my husband. I listen, I know what I got. And I'm like, the same way I'm feeling about him, my husband, or my children, or my grandbabies, I gotta have that feeling with my father, with our father. I have to have that feeling with him that when I pray, I don't want anyone around him. He's mine. And when I get that he is just mine, I'm gonna, my walk is gonna be different. So when I heard that this weekend, that's something I learned. So my whole outlook on him with my identity and moving forward, that's what I'm taking from that. So he's a jealous God and he's mine. He's mine. And when I have that, he's mine. One-on-one relationship. That one-on-one, right? And that's it, that one-on-one relationship with him. And when we have that, our obedience, our everything just flows. And that's such a nice feeling to know.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

It is, and it actually goes to what you're referring to as far as what we're becoming. Yeah, it's building that faith culture. That's where I am. It's a culture for me. You know, you go into different jobs, employments, and things, and they say the the key is building the culture of where you are, right? This is that faith culture, and I just want to also speak to that peace that you feel because that's that's where I am right now, and it feels good, man. It feels so good. Oh, right. We're talking about because things, some things happen. And yeah, thank you, thank you, Lord, because that's what you wanted. Right. Some things don't happen. Thank you, Lord, because that's what you wanted. Thank you, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

You don't know what door you shut for me.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

You don't, and you don't have to try to figure it out, right? Because, like you said, we usually we try to figure it out, or we already have a plan B, C, you know. Yeah, but this time when when something occurs or there's a shift, yeah, right, we understand that this is a shift he wants. So honestly, I get in the moment where I say thank you. I go into a praise. Yes, right, because God, you done kept me for something, you done shielded me for something, you didn't turn something. Like, thank you, because I couldn't see. Yeah, I couldn't see, but you have me. You had my back, he had my front, you had my side. And so now I look at him and I'm just like, God, what's up?

SPEAKER_00 17:21

But you know it's funny. That's what we tell each other because all three of us we talk to each other on a daily basis, not just on Tuesdays or Mondays or any other day. And when something happens, that's what we tell each other. The door had to close. Yeah. But God's moving you in another direction that wasn't for you. And it's funny, we say it to others, but sometimes it's hard for us to take it in. We're like, oh my goodness. But no, we didn't get there because it wasn't for us. Right. And I love that. It's like when someone says, you know what, Roxy, you know, we're not gonna do this time. I was like, that's okay, he didn't want it done. That's right. And then boom, yeah, two, three days later, it's done. You weren't supposed to be in the picture. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

Thinking of becoming, ladies, I don't know about you all, but if someone was to ask me just a direct question, like, Tira, who are you becoming? Guess what? I have no idea. But guess who do know? The author is still writing the story. And I'm not trying to take the pen. That's right. I'm not. I'm okay with him having the pen. Yes. Like I am okay because I know he knows the plans that he has for me, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Jeremiah 29, 11. You better talk. You better talk.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

And I am trusting him in that moment. That's huge. That trust. Like, are we really trusting God? We have to really dependent on him.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yeah. And I have a question for us that I think would help the listeners as well.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

How do you really let God show you your identity? And I'll answer first. Okay. Please do. I had to surrender. I had to do a complete and total surrender. I had to surrender all my goals, all my plans, all my vision boards, all the things that I had in mind for how I saw things going. Right. And it wasn't until I gave him the wheel that he began to open up my eyes and show me through his word, through him answering prayers, you know, through different revelations that he gave me, that's how I found my identity in him. And I think that is the hardest thing for people to do is surrender. But it is the singular thing that will get you to align with what his will for your life is and what he wants to do in you and through you.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Yes, I love that. And I think for me too, I mean, I can definitely attest to the surrender, and I I really want to stick in on that because that surrender, it hurts. It clouds. You know, very uncomfortable, you know, in full transparency. Sitting here and you have a job and you're a CEO and you're making six figures and you're good, and God says, Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Yeah. Yeah. Put it away. Hold on. Let's go back. I got a mortgage. I got kids in your private school. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

God, are you sure this is you? Right. But again, when you realize your identity in him, there's a peace in the midst of the storm that comes over. And that's where I am. And that peace there says everything. I just want to add to that stand in my word. Dive in even more into my word. Because when I don't know, he's going to show me. He's going to talk. I love the fact that he loved us enough to give us a book full of answers. Yes, he did. The blueprint. Right. He left the blueprint all there. Yes. When I'm unsure, right? When the enemy tries to sneak in sometimes. When I even try to overpower the thoughts and take control of it. Yeah. Go right back there.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

But I got something to add to your surrender. When he does, when you when he wants you to surrender and you don't surrender, guess what happens? He'll make you surrender. Yes, he will. And and that's where I am now. He I didn't, I was hearing him. I was hearing him. I was hearing him. But I refuse to surrender. I refuse to do anything. I I was doing it my way, making that money, living my life, going out. And he did one thing that took me to my knees. And he made me surrender. Wow. And that is why I'm here today. Because when he stops you, that road is done. That road is done. The road is done just like our time is done. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

But if we can leave one thing each with our listeners today about finding their identity, I think for me, it is to remember that you are not the things that you do. You are not your past. You are not the things that happen to you. You're not the traumas that you have been through. You are uniquely chosen and called by God. And for me, you you have to remember that when God says that you are His, that's all you need. So Once you accept that and you accept that this is what God wants for me, and this I am a child of God, everything else will start to fall into line. And most importantly, surrender. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

And when you take that and you're in the midst of it, and you realize times are gonna get hard because God never said it was gonna be easy, right? You lean into your word, you let go, you let God, and you find godly community. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

There's nothing more to say, but I will add one more thing to find your identity and to find out who you are or who you are becoming. I'm gonna leave you with one thing. You must love yourself. You gotta find your love. And if you're struggling with loving yourself, you get on your knees, you just say, God, help me. Because through everything, through every storm, you must love you. You cannot help into others, you cannot pour out of an empty cup. You have to love yourself. And ladies, we we love having you at the kingdom table. And it has been a joy and it has been a privilege. And we want you to love yourself. We want everything we do is gonna be coming with the word because that is what this kingdom table is about. So we hope you enjoyed this episode and we want you to come back. And we can't wait. The next one is gonna knock you off your feet. I am so excited. So we will see you next time from the Kingdom Table, from Roxy, Tierra, and May. Thank you for being with us and have a beautiful rest of your day.