Friends, how many of us really have a friend? Episode 3

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome, welcome to the Kingdom Table podcast. I am so happy. Everyone's my engineers here looking at me like, what was that? I am so happy. You know, the Kingdom Table, you see us three ladies, but there is a team, and we're gonna be always tagging them in what we do on our podcast because we want you to know that with this beauty and this excellence that you see, it comes with a team. And we are so grateful for them. And we just want to thank them. But I'm excited because this topic is a topic that all of us should know. And I'm just very, very, very excited. And our topic is friendship.

SPEAKER_05 0:42

Friendship. Friends. How many of us have them?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Friends. How many of us need them? That's the topic right there, friendship. So, you know, as anyone could see, they might not be able to tell, but there's like a little age and stuff gap. Just a little bit of age difference in age just a very slight difference. Yeah. But because of my age, how I look at my friends and my friendship has changed. It has changed. I will block you first, then delete you. See, I just don't delete you because you can call back. But see, I block you first, which makes you can't get through. And then I delete it.

SPEAKER_05 1:28

And that's what I do. So we've established that Roxy is the I'm a block you friend. That used to be me, but I have been delivered from that. Okay. We'll talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Tell me how you got delivered because see, I have no time or no pain. My age gives me priority to have no time or patience for that. Because I'm walking in my calling. So what God has put in me, I'm gonna let everybody know, He has equipped me. He didn't just give it to me, people. He has equipped me. So if you're not walking and if you're not part of my calling and part of what I have and you don't understand it, I I can talk to you, I can help you. But if you're not getting it, you're kind of gone. Because my time, my I only have one time. We we all only have one time, and that time is precious. Yeah, and my and the friendships that I have, I hold on to them dearly. Because if I if I called you a friend, you are family. That's my friendship. My friendship is family because I've taken you into my bosom and I'm loving you. I'm that friend. You can call two, three o'clock in the morning, and if grandbaby's in her bed, I'm scooping her up and I'm coming to you.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

That's my those those are my friends.

SPEAKER_05 2:39

Are you a blocker?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I'm not a blocker. Yeah. I'm not a blocker. I used to have this thing that I used to say, like, oh, I will cast bit a friendly ghost you. Like, boom, you were here today, and now you know because I know who I am. Exactly. It was really, and I'm sitting like, you're blessed to have me. So at least you can done it. Um, now I am a communicator. I love that. So I will, if there's something that occurred that, you know, kind of offset or my feeling or whatever, I have to say it. And I have to say it only because I want you to hear my tone and hear my heart. Because I think it's very important that where we part and where I leave you, I leave you in a place that if God brings me back and I have to minister to you, I did not wound you. Yeah, that is so good. And so that helps me now in being a communicator.

SPEAKER_05 3:28

That is so good. Yeah, I was a blocker too. I was, I was, I was a blocker. One thing with me, you slip, you slide. That's a Jamaican term. But literally, if you did something and you offended me, I was like, oh, peace out. And I think it goes back to what you said about like, I feel like I'm a really good friend. You know, that might be debatable to some, but to me, I am the show-up friend. I'm the one that, you know, drops everything. I'm gonna drive where I need to drive, I'm gonna lend where I need to lend. Like, that's just me, right? So in in when people hurt me, I would just leave it alone. But it was also what I realized, it was a a toxic way of me not dealing with uh the emotions behind like the wound that that person did to me or what they said to me. And some of it was from miscommunication, which is why communication is important. But my solution was okay, I'm just not gonna deal with you, I'm gonna block you, I'm gonna pay you in dust, as they say, right? Got it. But when I surrendered my life, and as I've been on my walk, God showed me that he doesn't do that to me, right? And I do all kinds of things to him that are not right. And so if he doesn't do that to us, we are not called to do it to each other. And one of the things that um he did when I really surrendered was make me unblock people. I had to go down the list and unblock people. Because again, if he comes, if it comes around that he is gonna use me as a vessel to help to pour into whatever that person, I might be the person that God uses to do that. And so if I have them blocked, and you know, then how am I gonna do that? And so not only did I unblock people, I actually reached out in a lot of cases and was like, hey, I know I said that I forgive you, I didn't forgive you, but I forgive you now. Yeah, and I really like you know, and and and there's a difference between, you know, forgiveness and reconciliation. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to fully reconcile with them. But I think just letting the other person know that like whatever we had, whatever beef it was, is chicken now. Yeah, I'm good, like we're good, I don't have an issue with you, you know, we're all good. And that way, if I see them on the street and and God says to help them, or vice versa, if I'm on the street and and and God wants them to help me, like we can still do that. And I think as we grow and as we grow in our walks, I think those are some of the lessons that he teaches us, and those are some of the lessons that he um that he shows me. And I know for sure, for sure he delivered me from the spirit of blocking. Because I'm telling you, I was block happy. You were block happy. It was easy, it was so easy because it it it it took that like uncomfortability out of it. Like it was just like, okay, I don't have to deal with you anymore. Out of sight, out of mind, versus actually like dealing with the problem, sitting in it, having a conversation, you know?

SPEAKER_00 6:04

And allowing yourself to feel.

SPEAKER_05 6:05

Allowing yourself to feel.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

So I clear my I clear my conversations, but my main thing is my peace. So I'm the type of person I'll give you chance after chance. But sometimes I'm done. I'm I'm still in my walk. I'm the baby here. I'm still in my work. Okay, I'll learn it every day. Every day. But my remake. My peace, my peace for me is very important. That's my peace. So that's why you get blocked. Because my peace is important. I'll talk to you and you can see the good thing about it is I let you know you're blocked. You just can't, oh, I can't get no. You already know. You already know because my peace, my peace is valuable to me. I'm at that stage in my life where my peace is what I need. When I am at my peace and when I have God just pouring on me, I've just I feel my best. But my friendships, my good friendships, they those last. You have your ups, you have your downs, and you can fix those. That's the good thing. And uh we you have some friendships. People mess up the word friendship. Friendship is a tricky word. You have friendship that is that true heart friendship. Then you have people that have your friendship because oh, I like, I know what Maidina is gonna be doing. And I know what, oh, when she has something, I know I'm gonna be on that list. That's an opportunistic friendship. That's a but that word friendship is there. Then you have that friendship, oh, I like Tiara and Tori, the T's, I like the Smith family, and and and yeah, I I like being around her. And oh, where are we gonna go next? And oh, I can get this done. A little bit on the same side. And then you have the friendship, oh, if something happens to me, it all comes down to opportunity, but you have people look at you for different friendship. I want that friendship that at two o'clock in the morning, if I don't feel good and I call you, I don't matter where you are. I have a girlfriend 30-something years, and I remember she was color mo and she was, I think she was seven months pregnant. It didn't feel good. She way in West Palm. What's that? Um, Blue Heron. And I'm way up in Port St. Lucie. And Judith said, Where are you going? I said, She called and she couldn't talk. I said, We need 911 no. I I don't know what it is. I got in my car and I just went. That's friendship. That's when I call what I want someone to do for me. When I don't feel good, I want to know I'm gonna have I'm in my walk now that when I say something is wrong, I know a friend is gonna pray for me.

SPEAKER_05 8:38

Right. But let's talk about the fact that not everyone can be or has the capacity to be that kind of friend. That's true, and I think that that's something that I had to learn for myself because I was that friend. And in my journey, I've had to pull back from always being that friend. Because what I realized is I was pouring, pouring, pouring, and then I became depleted. Later, right? And I had nothing left to give to my family, my husband, my children. I didn't have anything left to give to myself because I would drop everything at the drop of a dime for everybody. And the way how I was delivered from that is God had to tell me the scripture that he gave me, I can't remember the exact name of it, but it literally says, not one who plans nor one who waters is anything, but only he that makes things grow. I had a savior complex bad, and many of us struggle with that, right? And so we think that if we don't go and if we don't get up at five o'clock in the morning and go be there for a friend, nobody is. But sometimes we are actually standing in the way of the process and what God is trying to do with that person, and you are putting yourself in his shoes. You are taking his seat, you are trying to do something that we were never meant to do. And so for me, when I was going through my season of being down and hurt and no, and I didn't see those that I thought would be around, I didn't see them. And so my flesh wanted me to be bitter, my flesh wanted to be angry because I'm like, well, I've been there for all of you guys. What happened? But I realized that they too were fighting their own battles, right? And they too just did not have the capacity, because that's the thing, we're all graced in a different way, right? And so not everyone is graced to be that friend, not everyone is graced to be the pull-up friend. Some of us are just graced to get on the phone and give a word of advice, right? Or listen, exactly, and that's what we're graced for. So it's so funny that um you said that because the I literally just came out of this season, and I think something that I want us to touch on in this conversation is what does it mean to you? Like, what are you looking for in a friendship? Because, like, you know how we have love languages, yeah. People have friendship languages. And I had to learn that. Like, what do I actually want? Like, I had friends who were like, Well, I'm you're doing X, Y, and Z, because I do a lot of events, a lot of parties, whatever. And they saw because they came to my parties as being like a good friend. Yeah. I don't need that. Yeah, that's it. Actually, when you're at the party, I can't even entertain you. You can you, I can't even spend time with you. You get what I mean? That's right. Yeah, so it's like, how do you want people to show up for you? How do you want people to be a friend to you? So it's like we're learning how to be friends, but we're also learning how we want our friendships to be and how we want, you know, how how we want them to show up for us.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

So I think that's so good. I think for me, it's uh I want my friends to be someone or my friends to be someone that can walk alongside me in all seasons of life, right? Um, I'm not necessarily asking you to walk beside me and be there for me or to hold my shoulder or hold my hand or anything like that. I just want you beside me, right? Because when you're beside me, whatever I have and whatever you have within you, because this is a strategic, God-ordained friendship, which is key, that you can be present in whatever that looks like for you. Okay. Like you said, you may not be the person that can run and show up or have a quick word, or I may not be comfortable just outright just starting and going into prayer, right? But I may be that friend that just want to sit there and just close my eyes and silently intercede for you, right? But because you're present and you're alongside me, and because I'm present and I'm alongside you, we have it's just such like a keen connection to where I feel you. It's almost like a twinship, right? I want my friend to be someone that you can feel me, and I can feel you, and I can be there for you. And I would hope that when you're in your lowest at your lowest, that I'm the one that God allows to be there to pour into you in a non-judgmental stand. And when you win, I am there, I'm your biggest cheerleader. And guess what, girl? I saw it before it came because I know what type of friend I have. And I know the God that I serve. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

I want a friend that is authentic and trustworthy. Um as time has gone on through my life, one thing I noticed within the women's realm. I can't talk about the men realm. I can talk about the women's realm. We have an idea, we we have a complex when we have someone in our life and we confide in them, but they feel they need to also confide that in someone else. I want a friend that knows when we sit down and when we confide together, it's like being in that little Catholic booth. It's between me and you. You know that what happens here in Vegas stays here. And that's those are the friends that I'm looking for. I want your authenticity. I want your trust because when someone tells me something, that goes to my grave. It's not pillow talk with my husband. You know, some some of us when we talk, you know, some some none of us here do that. I know none of us here do that. But when you lay down or when you're talking, it was, oh my God, you know what, that person. No. When someone tells you something in confidence, we need to know that that confidence remains there. To me, that's important. That is what I look for in a friend. Because when I have your confidence, I have you. I don't have to worry about anything else. And then and then we know we know we know each other. I like what you say, twinship. We know each other. You can finish each other's sentence. If you're going to something, I ought I have some friends that when they're going through something, doesn't matter what part of the world they're in, I all they all all of a sudden just come on me. There's so many times I've called both of you. You know what? I was just thinking about you. Oh my God, Roxy. And I'm like, thank you, Jesus. He's working, he's working in me. And that's what it is. When my friends go through something, you should be able to, you might not feel their pain, you might not feel their discomfort, but you got that uneasiness about you that you should know, you know what? Let me reach out. And I tell people that all the time when something happens, you feel it. And that's important. And that's what I want. That those are the friends I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_05 14:50

So let's talk about uh why some friendships fail and why things end up going downhill and what we can do to mend it.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Got it. You know, that's good. And when I think about that question, I think about maintenance, proper maintenance. So why is it that we can do maintenance on our car, maintenance in a house, maintenance on all these particular things, but when it came comes to things like friendships, we don't look at what's required to maintain them. I would say for me and my friend, I don't know about um you all, I'm not a texter all day, every day on the phone, call you every that's just not me, right? But I respect the fact that she is.

SPEAKER_05 15:24

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:25

And because we know each other, we've done that work together, we get that regular maintenance, she knows that I'm gonna text you every day, and I know that she's gonna text me every day, and she know that I am going to respond to her sometime that day. But even if we have days apart or something of that nature, and life just takes us, we're gonna pick up where we left off, right? We're gonna do whatever's needed in that moment because that's that maintenance, and we're just gonna keep it going. So I think just maintaining, yeah, seeing what all encompasses and maintaining.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

So my oldest and dearest friend, we don't have to talk every day. But when we do talk, it's like, oh, we just thought an hour ago. And when we see each other, it's just picking up. But then I have some other friends that I got we gotta text, I gotta call, and I gotta make sure before that day ends, I gotta check in. Because different friends, I like that word you use maintenance. Different friends require different maintenance. Yes, they do, and uh, and when they're important to you, you keep up on that maintenance. And that is what I love. I have some friends that are just low-key, low maintenance, and and that's it. And I have some friends that are high maintenance, but those high maintenance friends, high maintenance friends, are just important and just as loved. Yeah, and that's and they're doing that because they love you. And and that's the good part about it. It's nice to know. I can't imagine sitting in my house one day not feeling good, and no one calls you. Right. I can't imagine someone just not having a friend. And there are people that don't have a friend. Yeah, so I I love this conversation that we're having, how to maintain a friend. So don't don't don't do what I do and block them. I I maintain this on no, so I I know when I block someone. You see what I'm saying? God's still working on me. But I've tried that, but just imagine you just don't have that person to check on you. Right. I can't imagine that.

SPEAKER_05 17:20

Absolutely. And I think also when it comes to maintenance, people have to realize friendships are like a relationship. Yeah, okay. It's like a marriage. Like a marriage. It's like a marriage, yeah. And I think uh consideration is a big piece, um, considering what the other person likes. And you know, when when I talk about the love language thing, yeah, people like to love other people in their love language. Okay, if you're not a gifts person and I keep buying your you gifts, you're gonna be like, okay, and they're gonna collect dust and you're gonna have a shelf full of gifts, but not truly feel the love. Feel the love. So if you're a quality time person and I never come and spend time with you, you're not gonna feel the love. Well, yeah, exactly. And that's what happens with a lot of friendships. I think that people think they're showing up one way and they're not showing up the the the way that that person needs them to. And then because we don't communicate, right? Because we don't want to be complainers, and you know, we're the strong friends, so we don't want to seem like we're, you know, always complaining. I think that there go there a lot of needs go unmet. And then after a while, friendships just deteriorate, and all of a sudden you're like, okay, well, we have been friends for 20 years, what happened? And typically it's not just one thing that happened, it's a series of events, series of things that went unchecked that that went unsaid, and now the friendship deteriorates. So, how do you mend that? How do we mend that? Because I really feel like there can be reconciliation in in many cases, right? If a person didn't stab you and you know, or do something very hurtful and and and like vengeful to you, there it can be reconciled. It really can. And I think for me, how I how I have mended friendships when like you know, it goes awry, is simply calling and just having a conversation. Exactly. Open up the door, and in many cases, apologizing for my role in the matter. Because there's always gonna be two sides to the story, right? There's mine and then there's theirs, and then there's the truth, right? Three sides, actually. So, you know, let's just be real about it. There's always gonna be and it's you're looking at it from your lens, they're looking at it from their lens. And and I recently had a situation uh with a friend of mine too, and I I called her, I waited, right? Because I wanted to be sure that I was at the right mind frame and I spirited. You know, yeah, I gave it a little cooling off, right? Separation. A little separation. We separated for a little bit, and then I called her and I was like, hey, sis, how are you? Listen, this, you know, I did not like this part, you know, this is what how I felt, like I was potentially slighted, you know, and we just talked it out. She told me her piece, and we both had valid points. Like we both had valid points, and literally it just went back to how it always was, you know. And that's happened. I've I had a friend once that I didn't talk to her for two years. Got it. Two years. That was a long separation. Yeah, but we came back together like nothing has happened. And that's one of my oldest friendships that I have, you know. So how do you make it?

SPEAKER_00 20:13

We have so much in common. No, I'm serious because I was talking to my friend. We actually had a two-year break. Wow. And literally, uh, my current situation or my situation is what brought us back together, right? And in that time, I embraced the ouch, right? And I think sometimes it may be hard because sometimes we don't want to talk about what went wrong or what we did and take accountability for our actions. But embracing the the ouch and understanding, like I said in my twinship, I know who my friend is, I know who God has intertwined me with, right? And looking in that moment, I was listening to a song and I sent it to her and I said, the two years, the years that we did not speak, right? There were so many times songs would come up and I'd be like, man, this is my family, this is my sister. Like, where is she? But that Casper friendly ghost tea would not let me, that pride would not let me move forward. And when I shared that with her, she said, she said, Tierra, you know what? If you would have called me at any moment, I would have came running. She said, I missed you more than you missed me. You know, and that in itself, for one, solidified and confirmed what I already knew. Yes, because I know God put us together years, right? Um, but it also just showed me like it's okay. It's okay to get a slap, it's okay to have a little cut, it's okay to need a bandage, right? Who's putting that bandage on? And once the bandage is on, who's gonna make sure it's clean? Who's gonna make sure it's taken care of? Who's gonna be there at your age? Guess what? That's my girl. Yes, that's so good. I'm glad you said that.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

That's so good. Because it happened to me uh almost two years. It wasn't it wasn't almost two years, but May, I went away, and May, I had to put my dog down. And uh believe it or not, that was my dog's best friend. My dog took her away from me. And something happened. We talked. Wheel text, but it wasn't what it used to be. You see, when I was in that vet office, she was the first person I called. And she was the first three of them, three of his girlfriends I called. The dog did have girlfriends. And I called all three, but I called her first. And when I told her where I was and what was happening, I just hung up the phone. And immediately I just heard my name, Roxy, and I heard her voice, and she was there running. And just like you said, just like you said, I already knew. If I didn't know, I wouldn't have called her. And it was one simple little thing that happened. One little thing, one little life-altering moment. For those that have dogs and love dogs, that is an altering moment for us. That was my my big 14-year-old Pitma was my baby, other baby. And but just for that moment, she was there and she came. You know, and it's we didn't have to talk. It said it all. You were there, you showed up. And that's what a friendship is about showing up. I like what you said. Sometimes we need that separation because we're growing. So one thing I do with my friends, time and respectful of time. I I think that's where sometimes problems come in. As wives, as mothers, as business owners, sometimes we have friends that might not be in that category. So they don't understand, okay, it's a certain time, I can't text you, or if it's an emergency. We don't res some of our friends don't know how to respect that time. And some of us don't know how to respect it either. Sometimes we think we can call and text anybody. Sometimes I text you, I text you. Is it this a good time? Or if it's the I know it's the week. I just have one little question. We have to respect, are you available? Are you free? Some people think they can just call you and text you. And you have to have boundaries with friendship. Some of us don't have boundaries, yeah, or some of us don't know how to use those boundaries. Sometimes I forget personally, sometimes I forget myself. Sometimes I just think, oh, my friend is just available to me. 24-7. 24-7. That's my boo. And I can we have to have those boundaries because when something happens in that relationship, it goes back to that friend. It goes back to that friend. I have, I'm gonna deviate a little bit. How do we handle our friends and our spouse? How do you handle that?

SPEAKER_05 24:18

I just keep them separate. My friends are my friends, his friends are his friends. Like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

No, not his, not your friends and your friends. How do you balance it? Because we have friends that intertwine within our lives.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

You see what I'm saying? We have friends that intertwine with our lives. That they they meet our husband or they meet our children. Because when they're your good friend, they they they become family. Of course. So they're there. What happens when there's a clash now?

SPEAKER_00 24:43

I think I think you kind of answered your question though. Because for me, if if that's my friend, that's my sister. So the same way I would do my sister, my cousin, they all understand exactly how this works, right? And they understand our dynamic. So for me, I can honestly say, and I'm not trying to toot my horn at all, like I don't have that clash. Um, because my my twin, my girl, my sister, um, she understands how my dynamic is, and he understands and he embraces as well because he sees that it's in your words authentic and genuine.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I don't have those kinds of problems either.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Thank God. But yeah, so we might we might not have those problems. What about the women that do?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

I think if they go back to some of the jewels and the gems that we're trying to encourage and share, then when you start that that friendship, what you're looking for, understand that it's God ordained, understanding that individual. That's how you say you have the love language, you have those friendships, you have to understand that. And also embracing personality assessments. I think that's really huge. Because taking a personality assessment will help you understand when I have something I have to share with you, how do I translate that so that you can hear? When is the right time for me to speak about that, right? If there's areas of growth, if there's things that we want to do together, um, their personality may be somewhat totally opposite of my personality. I want to make sure I'm coming in at a time where they can receive what I have to say. So I think if you start off with those foundational pieces and jewels and gems that we're kind of sharing right now that's work, I think it'll come out with great success and eliminate and decrease, reduce the clash.

SPEAKER_05 26:19

I love that. I love that. And I think it's also important to remember that not everybody is your friend. Yeah. Not everybody is graced to be your friend, not everybody has God called to be your friend. And that's why it's important to maintain covenant friendships, right? There's people that you can party with, but you cannot pray with. There's people that will walk through you a season with you where you're on the the the top of the mountain, but when you're in the valley, they're not graced for that. And so it's important to have those boundaries and be able to separate like who is here for a good time and who is here for a long time. Because people come in and out of our lives for different reasons, different seasons. You know, they may have been good when you guys were in college and things have worked great, but now that you're a mother, you're a wife, you've been through loss and grief and all these different things, like, can that person really like um maintain that, you know? And there's nothing wrong with saying that, no, I can't, you know, because what we expect from a person is maybe not what they're able to give, which is why we talked about the capacity thing. And I think for me, in learning who I am and in learning myself, right? And in our previous episode, we talked about identity. When I learned my identity, it also changed the dynamics of how I show up in my relationships, in my friendships, and it also changed what I see that I need from a friend. And it also let me understand that what I need in this season, not everyone is able to provide. And that is okay. You can promote a friend, you can downgrade a friend. You know what I mean? Yes, just keep it in a way that is amicable, it doesn't have to be bitter, it doesn't have to be a huge breakup, don't go writing on social media about them, you know, all that stuff. Like keep it, keep it cute, ladies. Keep it cute, you know?

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Keep it respectful. Don't I say don't be a keyboard warrior. Oh, yes, don't be a keyboard warrior. And I and I love that friendships for me are important. I I have so many different levels, like you say, so many seasons, but so many different levels. And one friend is good for this area in my life, and another friend is good for this area in my life. And when you know what tier they sit on, there's no good tier, no bad tier, but when you know what tier they sit on, that that is how we receive that. That's what I'm doing in my life. Everybody has their section that they're in. And I it's like I have a visual visual board in my head, and I know where everybody sits. And it's a good thing because I know what to pull from. I know who to call when I need prayer. I need to I know who to call when I need advice. Because yes, I do need advice. People might not think it, but I do need advice. God knows I don't know everything. But I have those different individuals that I can call and I know who gives me what and who can enrich me, yeah, and who can help me, and who to go to lunch with. Because you got some friends that are just really good to go to lunch with. For a good laugh. A good laugh.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

To take your mind off of them. Yeah, those friends are needed. Yeah, yeah. Those friends are needed. Because not only that, like everything can't be so heavy. All the time. No. We need those moments of joy that are infused. Like my girlfriends and I were just talking, we're like, we need a whole waiting to excel getaway. Because yeah, we've all been going through like different things, and it's just like we just need that time where it's just like, okay, let's not talk about any of the things that we're going through. We do not want to talk about the warfare right now. No, let's just go out and have a good time, go to the spa, take some cute pictures, flick it up, you know. So it's important to have those moments and to know who you can do that with. You know, who's gonna be the ha ha friend that you're you didn't laugh so hard, you done forgot. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

And who's walking and who's walking and who's holding you up? Yeah. That friend that holds you up, that friend you said who's beside you, that shoulder you could cry, and the friend that gives you the best hugs possible. See, we all know. When I said that, all of you are like, yeah, that friend that gives you that little mama bear hug, and that one that comforts you. And friendships are important. So and you know, as as you're listening to us, we want to encourage you. If you if you miss that friend, reach out to that friend because you it shows you send a text, unblock them, unblock them.

SPEAKER_05 30:22

So they'll get your text message. So they get your text message.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

And sometimes the easiest, hey, how you doing? I was just thinking about you, how you doing. Yeah, and let's see what the response is. Who can respond bitterly to hi, how you doing? Right.

SPEAKER_05 30:34

And if they respond bitterly, you understand that it's just not the time for reconciliation. Yeah, they're not in that season yet, you know, but you still leave the door crack, you know, in case there is a possibility, and you know, yeah, yeah, you know, you know how to type, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Because you'll see it. I love the phones where you can see where they're sitting there and they're typing, but nothing is coming through because they're thinking and just say, you know, sometimes I do that whenever you're ready to talk, boom. And I just that's not what boo, and just there you go. And it it leaves that open space, that open heart. So if you have someone and you're missing that person, yeah, reach out to them because I'm about to grab my phone and go, my dear, and just say, I didn't block them. None of you, I've been I didn't unblock her, but I haven't time time gets so busy, life gets so busy. Yeah, and sometimes I sit down and say, Oh my goodness. Sometimes I just sit down. Who haven't I talked to? Who haven't I heard from? That's good. Being intentional, yes, very intentional. Reaching out. Who haven't I talked to? Who I've been so busy with my life. What's happening with yours? Is there something that I missed? Yeah, and let me just say hi. You know, sometimes I just take people, hey, how you doing? I do that to you guys. Hey, how you doing? Or just saying hi, or I just do the wave, or I send a send, I'm thinking about you and send a picture. I'm good for that. And just say, if you don't forget, this is who it is. You know, and just and they'll come back with LOL. So that laughter is there. Who have you missed? Who haven't you really reached out to? Are they going through something you don't know? Oh yeah. Because when you're going through your darkest moments and I haven't talked to you, I'm the last person you're gonna call. I'm not gonna reach out to you. Yeah, if we're not talking and I'm going through something, mama, I'm not calling either one of you. Because why am I you didn't care before? Why would I think you care now? And you do care. That's right. So reach out, be exceptional.

SPEAKER_05 32:27

Extend the olive branch.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Yes, and we have many of them around us. We do. We do all of our. I love it. Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

And be ready to be a friend before you reach out to be a friend. One of the things that my pastor said, and I hold on to, it's very, it's a formula. And it says you need tone, timing, and truth. Oh that's great communication, right? So when you get time to reach out and communicate and be that friend, make sure that your tone is right, your heart's in the right place. Make sure it's the right time because they may not respond the way you expect them to respond. Because your tone wasn't right. Keep in mind that's your expectation, yeah, not theirs, right? And make sure you're given truth. It may hurt, it may have that ouch moment, right? But it all leads back to that great communication and allows you to show up and be like this. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 33:13

Yes, friendships, yes, it's tone plus time.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Timing push plus truth, yes, equals great communication. I hope we can just have that across there. Tone, timing, and truth. Yeah, I love that. And and that uh that kind of just sums it up.

SPEAKER_05 33:28

Yeah, it does. It sums it up, it sums it up, and you know what? Um if I can end on any note, it would be I have a Jamaican saying, I'm Jamaican. We have a saying in Jamaica that says, good friend is better than pocket money. Pocket money, right? And it is so true. I really truly feel like just like Jesus walked with the disciples and he had his three that were closest to him that saw him transfigured. We need friendships. Yes. Yes. We cannot navigate this earth in this world with our own. We need good people in our corners. So when you're looking for a friend, make sure that you are a good friend. And so a good friend will come back to you.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

There you go. There you go. And that is that, May. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Can I add one more thing? Sure. My daddy, rest in peace, dead and gone. He said, Don't make your friends be like pennies. They weigh you down, they dirty you up. Make them dollar pieces. They're light, but they have value. Yes. Make your friendships have value. Yes. Don't just take any and anything that comes along and make a lot of noise. Right. Make your friendships have value. Value friendships, they're light, but they're worth a lot. Yes. And that's what we wanna, that's what we want to keep to people. I you know what? Every time I have this, I'm just learning. I just love this. I'm just I'm learning, I'm learning. And that's what it's about. That's what this kingdom table is about. Just learning. You know, let's do our tone, let's do our timing, and let's do our truth. Let's make those intentional friendships what we can blossom in. And that's what we teach ourselves, that's how we teach our friends, that's how we teach our family, and that's how we teach our children. And as we do that in this society that we live in, it's so important. The tone, the timing, and the truth. We can bring that to everything in our life, and it will just we'll blossom and we'll grow.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

And anything else that I have missed. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Call that free hand girl. Call it. He's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

He or she, right? Yeah, he's waiting for it. He or she. And you never know. It can this is we're still in a new year. Yes. We're still in a new year. And let's and bring it into your year and let them know what they've missed. Yes. And find out what you've missed. Don't make it about you. Find out what you've missed in their life and and bring it together because that's important. Yes. And that's that's truly important of friendship. It's not always about us. Friendship. You know it. Friendship. Friendship. It's a friendship. It's a friendship. It's a friendship. It's a friendship. I love it. It's a friendship. The Table Kingdom podcast friendship. And we love you guys. And we just hope you stay tuned for our next episode. And we hope that this episode enriched your soul and made you want to reach out intentionally. But remember, tone, timing, and truth. Yes. And that is how we're going to end this. And have a lovely day. And we can't wait to see you on our next episode of the Kingdom Table podcast. From Roxy, Sierra, and May. Until next time. Until next time. Have a great day. Be blessed.